My Mother

(March 28, 1925 - August 21, 2015)

This picture of my mother, Margaret, was taken a couple of years before I was born.  She gave it to her fiancee, Joe, who was going off to war.  They would marry a year later when Joe was home on leave.  That was the beginning of my family.

My mother was the youngest of eight children.  When she was five, her parents divorced. Because her mother could no longer afford to feed all of her children, she had to send my mother to live at the Children's Home. She lived there for five years.

I grew up the oldest of five children.  My father was an engineer and worked at various aerospace plants over the years.  We moved to a different city and a different state every four or five years.  My mother never let on that this was something bad or difficult.  We just moved and she would join a church and make new friends and it was considered normal.

My mother was a homemaker.  She cared for all of us, she cooked every meal, sewed most of our clothes, ironed our clothes and kept our house spotless.  She was the disciplinarian and made sure we followed the rules, but I remember that we had a lot of fun, too. 

My mother was very social and nurturing.  She was always inviting lonely college and foreign students over for dinner.  It seems we nearly always had an extra person sitting down at our dinner table.  We often had cousins living with us for months at a time when their families were struggling.

We took vacations each year - crowded into our station wagon and driving cross country from wherever we happened to be living at the time.  Extended family was important and most of our social life revolved around family and church friends.  If we visited family, bedding was pulled out so that all the kids could sleep on the floor.  Bedrooms were scarce in those days.

During college, I lived on campus but in the same town as my family.  Nearly every Sunday I would bring friends home to eat dinner with my family.  My mother never acted like she minded the extra work and welcomed anyone we brought home.

 Once I graduated, married and started teaching school in another town, I would bring some of my seemingly shy and insecure elementary students to visit our family for a lively weekend.  

While I was raising my own family, we had many exchange students and would always include them in visits to my parents' home.  

Most of the time that my children were growing up, my parents lived in Arizona and we lived in Texas.  When we visited grandparents there was flat land and empty streets good for bicycle riding or skating.  There was an association swimming pool for summer or winter swimming.  There was a neighborhood playground for releasing energy.  There were desert mountains to climb via hiking trails.  And there were orange and grapefruit trees in the yard.  If we picked the oranges, my mother always made us fresh-squeezed orange juice.  Plus she would always have home made biscuits for breakfast.  And there were pallets on the floor for the kids.  

My parents never missed any of their 12 grandchildren's graduations or weddings.  They would drive from Arizona to Texas for our high school graduations.  They would drive or fly all over the country to attend college graduations and weddings of their many grandchildren.

(1989)

(1991)

(1994)

(1995)

(2001)

(2006)

(2006)

(2009)

During the 1994-95 school year, our son spent a year in Spain as an exchange student.  In March of 1995, my parents joined us on a week-long trip to visit him.  It was quite the adventure and we all had a great time.

(1995)

My father was diagnosed with early Alzheimer's in 1996.  My mother cared for him at home for over four years.  But after he began having such difficulty walking that he would fall and bring my mother down with him, she finally realized she needed help.  He was moved to a small home with 24-hour care a 15-minute drive away.  My mother still visited him and tried to help with his daily care until he died in September 2001.

His death was very hard on her, but she continued to volunteer and care for other people like she had always done.

(2015)

In March of this year, all forty-four members of my mom's family (kids, grandkids, great grandkids) assembled at the Arizona Golf Resort in Mesa, AZ to celebrate her 90th birthday.  Granny got to stay at her home, but everyone was able to walk from the resort to visit her in small groups.  The last night of our celebration we reserved a private dining room where everyone could gather together to eat and show our love and respect for our treasured matriarch.

How do you distill someone's life into a short blog post?  My mother had 90-year's worth of experiences, so of course, I was only able to highlight a few of the times I remember.  It has taken me three months since her death to be able to do this.  The last fourteen months of her life were so painful and difficult for her, which made it difficult for the rest of us to stand by, unable to do anything but watch over her and ask her doctors for help. But, that's why I needed to go back and remember all of those years of good times. 

RIP Mom.  I love you.

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© 2007-2015 Melinda Coker

Think Differently about Syrian Refugees

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

On a recent radio show, The Take Away, I listened to the host, John Hockenberry, interview Rabbi Jonathan Sacks about Europe's current refugee crisis.  Rabbi Sacks is a global religious leader who was Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom from 1991 to 2013.

The two men first discussed Jewish refugees trying to leave Germany in 1938.  That crisis brought together diplomats from thirty-two countries who met in Avignon, France in June of that year. But every nation represented, closed it's doors to the refugees.  In the midst of that meeting, a few heroic individuals organized on the side a rescue train - which would eventually transport 10,000 Jewish children out of Germany.  Private citizens or organizations had to guarantee payment for each child's care and education. This series of rescue operations was informally called Kindertransport and it became a bright spot during one of history's darkest times.

Rabbi Sacks believes that a Kindertransport type gesture is needed today for the refuge children crowding the Syrian border.

When asked how he thought countries could welcome, embrace and assimilate the muslim refugees from Syria today, he responded:

I've been saying that Britain should be exporting a message of coexistence from Britain to the Middle East instead of importing a message of conflict from the Middle East to Britain.  Because in Britain we got on very well with the Muslim and Jewish communities.  We worked at that relationship. Locally in Britain we have managed those relationships well, but there is a huge spillover in Europe of the politics of the Middle East.  Today with all our global media a conflict anywhere becomes a conflict everywhere. 

Hockenberry then asked, "Why is it so hard for Israel to envision having a sanctuary for some of these people from Syria?  Often it is within walking distance."

Rabbi Sacks responded that Israel does offer medical sanctuaries. Because of political sensitivities, helping these refugees with medical care, has to be done well below the radar.

Sacks continued,

Israel has continued to be an asylum.  There's no question that Israel is only one of two countries (the other being the U.S.) that was built on and exists as a refuge for asylum seekers. There's no doubt that Israel has offered asylum, but at the same time, you understand that many Syrians themselves  are worried that if  they take refuge in Israel they will no longer be able to return to Syria.

Hockenberry: "Do you think the U.S. should do more?"

Sacks replied,

The U.S. is an enormous country who has thus far taken in only a few refugees from the Middle East.

I think humanitarian gestures go further to change the climate of international politics than military interventions.  Military interventions leave behind a legacy of resentment.  Humanitarian interventions leave behind a legacy of gratitude.

So if I were talking about long term winning the peace I would say that being a home for refugees would probably be the single most effective thing that Europe and the United States could do.

More weapons simply reinforce more of the conflicts of the past and allow us to replay and replay and replay conflicts which are never resolved.

Hockenberry: "Where is courage being shown now?"

Sacks answered,

I think Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, is showing that courage right now. She's talking about bringing in as many as 800,000 refugees.  That would be far more than all of the rest of Europe put together.  This is courageous and is very clearly being driven by a sense of historical memory, pain, grief, guilt - an attempt to redeem the past.

I think when you do attempt to redeem the past by an act of generosity and open heartedness and an open door policy then you do actually change the world.  That is the history we remember and it gives us hope as human beings.

I think an American historian calculated there has only been 29 years of peace since human civilization began.  So war is the eternal story.  But I think too much hope has been sucked out of the atmosphere of the Middle East and although it's another subject for another time, I do believe Jews, Christians and Muslims have to come together and say we all are members of the family of Abraham and there is such a thing as reconciliation.  Genesis is full of sibling rivalries but it ends with reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers and bear in mind that his brothers wanted to kill him  and eventually sold him as a slave.

The children of Abraham have a literature of hope. And I think I would sit with those children and talk those stories through and say that is your story and that is my story  and together we can build a world if we're willing to make that our story as well.

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© 2007-2015 Melinda Coker

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Melinda Coker, health coach and author of the book, Diet and Cancer: Is There a Connection?, teaches men and women around the world how to develop a healthy lifestyle.”

Don't Drink Milk

What do you think of when you are told to keep your bones healthy?

I bet you answered “Drink Milk!”

That is how good the marketing arm of the dairy industry is.  They have made everyone in the U.S. a believer in their ad campaign.  In fact, they are even funding the nutritional training of students in our medical schools.  No wonder when patients ask doctors how to prevent osteoporosis, the doctors recommend extra milk!

There has been so much good research and so many reputable studies on the fact that milk is probably the last thing that will keep your bones strong.  Cornell University’s Dr. Colin Campbell states, "The correlation between animal protein [intake] and fracture rates in different societies is as strong as that between lung cancer and smoking."

Countries that have the highest consumption of cow’s milk and other milk products (cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese) also have the highest rates of hip fractures. Those populations that consume the most animal protein, also have the highest levels of calcium excreted in their urine.

Dr. Dean Ornish writes, "The real cause of osteoporosis in this country is not insufficient calcium intake, it's excessive excretion of calcium in the urine. Even calcium supplementation is often not enough to make up for the increased calcium excretion."

When people eat too much animal protein it increases the acid load in the body which allows calcium to be drawn from the bones thus weakening them.  Therefore, the amount of calcium in the urine is increased. This effect has been established for over eighty years.

To minimize your risk of osteoporosis, eat a variety of whole plant foods and avoid animal foods, including dairy.  Eat plenty of beans and leafy vegetables and stay away from refined carbohydrates like plain pastas, white breads, candies and sugary cereals.

To learn more about osteoporosis and to get support with your healthy eating, check out the programs at MelindaCokerCoaching.

Sign up to receive new blog posts directly to your inbox.  Just fill in your name and e-mail address in the gray box to the left and hit the "submit" button. You will then get an e-mail asking you to confirm your e-mail address.  Once you do that, you will be signed up to receive new blog posts.

© 2007-2015 Melinda Coker

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Melinda Coker, health coach and author of the book, Diet and Cancer: Is There a Connection?, teaches men and women around the world how to develop a healthy lifestyle.”

Would a One Million Dollar Reward Change Your Plan?

One morning during the recent holidays, while I was working in the kitchen, my young granddaughters sat at the breakfast table playing a game of Table Topics.  That’s a game consisting of a pile of cards with questions.  It was fun listening to them as they took turns reading the questions and then discussing their answers.

One question in particular caught my attention. “If you were offered one million dollars could you get straight A’s next year?”  Of course, both of them answered in the affirmative and said that they were already trying to make straight A’s so it probably wouldn’t make any difference.

STRAIGHT A’S

I immediately started thinking about that question as it might relate to more average students.  After all I am a former college instructor.  A high school or college student might get very motivated by that possible reward and do some things differently, such as:
1.) Really pay attention in class.
2.) Make an appointment with their teacher/professor if there was something they didn’t understand.
3.) Hire a tutor for the subjects that were more difficult for them.
4.) Make sure they were spending enough time studying and doing class assignments.
5.) Roll back on any extra curricular activities that were interfering with their study time.
6.) They would make sure they got enough sleep each school night and that they ate nutritious meals so they would be at their best in class.

NEW BUSINESS IDEA

If you’ve been thinking about getting a new job, starting a part-time business or even launching a big project, what would you do differently to pursue that goal if you were offered one million dollars to get it done in the next year?  You might take some of the following actions:
1.) Maybe you would have a new sense of urgency and wouldn’t let other things get in your way of working on it.
2.) You would really try to develop your goal and figure out exactly what you want to accomplish.
3.) You would possibly hire someone to help you, such as a coach, a mentor, a professional resume’ writer or even a graphic artist.
4.) Maybe you would take on a partner so you could share your expertise and resources and work together.
5.) You would probably make a list of all of the steps you could think of to make your project a success.

ORGANIZE YOUR HOME OR OFFICE

You may have been thinking about organizing your home or office for a couple of years, but just haven't gotten started.  If you were offered a million dollars to get it organized, you might think about the following ideas:
1.) You would probably make a specific list of exactly what you want to get organized.
2.) If you are not the organized type, you might call in a professional organizer to help you.
3.) Maybe you would purchase some plastic bins to use for sorting – the things you will keep and the things you will dispose of.
4.) Once the sorting is completed, you might decide to spruce things up a bit by purchasing some new furniture or storage units so you would be more inclined to stay neat and organized.

LOSE 20 POUNDS

I know most of you have been thinking of losing some weight but you just haven't gotten around to it. What if you were offered one million dollars to lose that extra twenty pounds in a year?  That could  be the motivation you need.  Some steps you might take would be:
1.) Research and decide on a diet plan.
2.) Find an accountability partner or a coach.
3.) Keep a journal of all the food you eat.
4.) Weigh weekly.
5.) Read motivational stories of others who have lost weight.
6.) Stick with your plan.
7.) Revaluate monthly.

I’m sure you have thought of even more ways that a one million dollar reward could get you started on one of your goals.  Thinking that way certainly helps you develop some clarity about what it is you would need to do.

Let me know if that imaginary one million dollar reward helps you refine what you want to accomplish and gives you some understanding about how you would do it.

Sign up to receive new blog posts directly to your inbox.  Just fill in your name and e-mail address in the gray box to the left and hit the "submit" button. You will then get an e-mail asking you to confirm your e-mail address.  Once you do that, you will be signed up to receive new blog posts.

© 2007-2015 Melinda Coker

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Melinda Coker, health coach and author of the book, Diet and Cancer: Is There a Connection?, teaches men and women around the world how to develop a healthy lifestyle.”